This book will not help you lose weight It will not cure your erectile dysfunction It does not increase the size of your breasts It will not cure your halitosis It will not increase your disposable income It does not offer a money-back guarantee It will not rid your home of unwanted pests It will not be available in stores or through an incredible TV offer It does not cure your embarrassing dandruff flakes It will not cure Ebola It will not kill ISIS It does not endorse any political candidate for office This book will not keep frozen food fresh It will not increase the amount of your red blood cells It does not require refrigeration It will not cut, slice, or dice It will not cure your depression It does not help you get a good night’s sleep It will not cure your cold It will not get rid of unwanted pet odors It does not remove embarrassing acne and blemishes It will not increase the length of your penis It will not help you find your soul mate It does not accept major credit cards This book has no benefits It has no side effects Please do not ask your doctor about this book